DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s sister kissed me at our wedding and it awoke in me feelings I never had before. I am confused about what this means for my sexuality.
I am 27 and my husband is 28. We had been dating for four years before our long-planned wedding a year ago. It was a fabulous day.
My sister, two friends and my sister-in-law were my bridesmaids. I have always got on well with his sister, who’s 30. As we got ready she hugged me, I kissed her on the cheek and she tried to kiss me on the lips.
I was taken aback and pulled away. I didn’t dwell on it for the next week or so but once I calmed down after the excitement of the wedding I thought of nothing else but that kiss.
One night my husband was away working and I called her. She invited me round for a coffee and I told her how much I fancied her. She pulled me close and kissed me properly this time. It was magical and thrilling and we ended up having sex.
This has now become a frequent thing and I am so into her physically, though I do not have emotional feelings for her. We both know it is just sex.
I could not lie to my husband, he is like my best friend, and I told him everything. He was very understanding though surprised that I enjoy sex with a woman. He then admitted he had been feeling guilty too, for having sex with a colleague.
After a lot of talking we have decided it is best for us to split. It is all very calm and we have not argued or anything. It just seems the right thing to do.
I am just confused as to what it all means for my sexuality. I never thought of myself as bisexual yet I enjoy having sex with a woman so much.
ONE in four under-13s have seen pornography, so no wonder it affects what they perceive as normal sex when they have a partner later.
My e-leaflet Sex Games And Sense can help you work out what’s right, and safe, for you.
Email me for a copy at firstname.lastname@example.org
DEIDRE SAYS: You are obviously confused by your new-found sexual feelings. You don’t have to label yourself. A lot has happened since your long-planned wedding. Both you and your husband strayed and it seems you have accepted that the future you had hoped for together looks like it will not happen.
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Give yourself time to focus on your marriage for now. If it is over you owe it to one another to make sure you have a good ending. It seems unlikely your future lies with his sister either.
If you are bisexual you can be physically attracted to men and women, though of course that does not make it OK to cheat. Focus on getting to understand and accept yourself first and in time you will meet that special someone who is the one for you long-term.
My e-leaflet on Bisexual Issues can help you better understand your sexuality.
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